1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize