she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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