It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
