DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
