well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
