i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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