Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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