it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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