I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This toilet bowl is my home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
