i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
