I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
