Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
