Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
