At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
