I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
