I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
