would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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