You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
