So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
