I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
