I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
