When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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