I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
