my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
