I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
