Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
