I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
