my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
