I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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