You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
