I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
did i walk over a car last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
