So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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