If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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