how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
