been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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