I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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