dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
