my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
