your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
