That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize