I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
operation harelip BJ is a go
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
