Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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