I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
