I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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