you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
