i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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