just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
