a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
