What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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