okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
