thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
