Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
