Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's the barista slut.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
