saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
