if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
