I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
