A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize