trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
