It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
