Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
