NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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