I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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