Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
