Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
