I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
