I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
