Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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