I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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