so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
