Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
