My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
worst night to have a conscience
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
