I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
