Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
