I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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